Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
