His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
