Just fell off a train. Bad.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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