worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
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