I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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