3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
