I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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