My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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