I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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