last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
