The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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