her vagine was all disorganized.
I can text with my tongue
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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