Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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