so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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