I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
