she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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