We're like a lot better than the average bears
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
