Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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