this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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