You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
