Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I forget how to act sober
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
