too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
