I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ass is underappreciated
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
