so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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