rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
