last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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