If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize