this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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