so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
40s are totally the cure
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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