i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
