i jhust puked up my retainher.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
