I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
