if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
