I heard we made out
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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