So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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