1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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