I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
