But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
