I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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