OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
where are my eyebrows?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
