Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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