They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there was a trapeze. enough said
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
