Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
