just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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