Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
