these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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