Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
