I just made out with a guy for $7.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
