making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
