Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
