Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
