a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
