Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
