You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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