she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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