there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
