Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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