i permit you to call me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
