my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
