4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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