So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
