This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
