Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
