walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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