i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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