Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
