I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
