tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Four minutes until I can fart!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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