I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
